I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
