Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
