I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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