Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
