even my farts smell like vagina
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We're too hungover to prance.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
