drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
