There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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