Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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