Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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