Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
