So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
