did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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