Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
