Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
