Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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