I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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