remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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