So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
