I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
