She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
