My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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