I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
