my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
