we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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