the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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