hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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