Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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