Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
