He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
