I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
