i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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