Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
