you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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