You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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