Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
