I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
