I have demons in me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
