Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
