Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
