He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
