Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
