you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
