she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
