I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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