Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
