stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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