Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
