Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
