we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
