i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
