So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
