That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
