I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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